Ask Hermes
by ILoveSky345
Summary: Have youever had a burning question for Hermes and he's never had time to answer? What about good come-backs? A prank? No problem, just Ask Hermes and you may be one of the lucky people who get an answer. May the odds be in your favor!
1. Chapter 1

_**Ask Hermes **_

_Disclaimer: I don't own the Percy Jackson series. And I also don't own the idea. I got it from Awesomegirl13 and her Ask 'Aphy' which was adopted by Cole-it. So Awesomegirl13 if your reading this be happy that I got an idea from you! _

**Okay. To start this story I need you to review. Ask Hermes anything that involves thieving, merchants, business, and athletics. Maybe you need good come-backs. Just review with your question. **

**Example: Dear Hermes,**

**Every time someone teases me, I never have a good-come-back at hand. How do you get good come-backs? **

**From,**

**So-and-so**

**So if you have any questions for Hermes about life or his life even, send a review. **


	2. Chapter 2

_**Ask Hermes**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Hermes. **_

_1. _

_Dear Hermes,_

Besides being the Olympian messenger what do you do for a living.

From,

EletricAngel

Dear EletricAngel,

Well, in my free time I try to update the internet. (About every hundred centuries). Or I _try_ to visit my children. But there really isn't free time for me, _soooooo_. . .Yeah. . .Though, there IS always time to pull a prank or two.

From your godly messanger,

Hermes

_2. _Dear Hermes,

Have you ever felt "used" by the gods? Why dont you marry someone so you have someone to come home too after a busy day?

Your number one fan,

Brii

Dear Brii,

Have I ever felt used by the gods? Lots of times. And I think, _I'm going to quit. _But then I realize that I'm the only god aloud to visit Heaven, Earth, and the Underworld and feel a lot better. Well, not with the Underworld part, but you know what I mean. And marrying some one? Kid, have you ever heard what woman that you are married to do? They demand you cuddle with them, and you work to much, and you're cheating on them. And then they get all mean during pregnancy. . .NOOOO! I'm not, repeat, not getting married.

From very happy that you are there number one fan,

Hermes

_3_. Dear Hermes:

I get teased a lot for having braces and glasses. Mostly, they say, "Hey train-tracks! You wanna go get lazer eye surgery? GO SEE A DOCTOR FOR YOUR STUPID DIMPLES" Or something like that. What kind of prank should I pull on them? I honestly don't think a comeback will do it.

Much sincerity,

PhantomGurrl

Dear PhantomGurrl,

THEY DO WHAT? Half of the girls I've dated have braces and glasses. Glasses are the bomb! People are starting to buy them just because they are getting so popular. And if you need a come-back, if they say, GO SEE A DOCTOR FOR YOUR STUPID DIMPLES, say, Um, have you taken a look in the mirror lately? Your nose needs some work. And I know just the place for you to go for your nose. The plastic surgeon! (Trust me, it works). And for a prank. Use the old woopy-cushion prank. The person sits on the woopy-cushion and farts real loud. Or make up a prank admire. Write a fake secret admirer note. Do it to all the notes around the class, and even make one for yourself, so they don't get suspicious. Only make one person not have the note. They will be centered.

From I hate the kids who make fun of you and the dude who wants to call you,

Hermes

_4_. _OMH, I love you Hermes!_

Chocolate or Vanilla ice cream?

Do you like Artemis? I always thought your two would make a good couple, since from the books and the flashbacks with May, you seemed very self controlled and patient, instead of "OMG, LETS GO MAKE BABIES" like several other of the Olympians seem to behave like...

By the way, you're my favorite! (ya know, other then Artemis, but she's tied with you on the list of awesome...)

Dear BarrelRacer13,

I love you for loving me, sweetheart! Um, vanilla. Do I like Artemis? That is classified information, but, (Don't tell her) I think she's really pretty. . .Okay, maybe I have a LITTLE crush one her. And what book? Flashbacks of May? Well, I guess I AM self controlled and patient (call me) and yeah. . .I guess most Olympians are like that. But Artemis made her choice soo. . .

From Call me Maybe,

Hermes

_5. Dear Hermes,_

How do you feel about Poseiden and Athena? I think they are cute together. I think you and Artemis are cute together and my note book is filled with pictures of you and her together. Yeah, I might be a LITTLE obsessed

_From, _

_Athenas Demigod Daughter_

Dear Athenas Demigod Daughter,

The couple Poseidon and Athena is a little scary. They can't be in the same room without yelling at each other. (I made a bet, trust me.) And yes, if they did get along together. . .Nah, I have to disagree, 'cause that is hard for me to imagine. And, that is very sweet that you think me and Artemis are cute together, but that'll never happen, and maybe you are a little obsessed, but it's okay. I'm obsessed with my children, (In a none weird way).

From, the dude who isn't obsessed in a weird way,

Hermes


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry for the long up to date post, but I Hermes had a busy schedule.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own PJO. **

Ask Hermes

_Dear Hermes,_

_I got another question, and a demand!_

We'll start with the demand: Do not call me sweetheart. EVER.

And for a question, if you had to chose between English or Western horse riding, which would you chose?

_From BarrelRacer13_

Dear BarrelRacer13

Well, sweetheart, we all have demands. . .Do we get what we want when we demand them? NO! So why not just say please sweetheart? And I'd have to go with. . .Western! Western people have a great accent!

From the dude who won't stop calling you sweetheart,

Hermes

_Dear Hermes,_

How do you feel about Travis and Katie being together? Katie is a daughter of Demeter, and we all know who Travis is but, TRAVIS AND KATIE ARE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER! Seriously, you and Artemis are SO cute together, it's like all I think about, every second of the day! Also, If you look yourself up and Wikipedia, you are naked.

_From,'_

_Athenas Demigod Daughter_

Dear Athenas Demigod Daughter,

I'm not really the kind of guy to get into my children's relationship's. . .though I hold nothing against Katie or her mother. . .So. . .my question is, why Katie with Travis?. . .Travis has a girlfriend at his boarding school. . .Don't ask why. . .It happened to be a new demigod who was very stubborn and only liked being bribed. . .Why not Katie with Conner? I happen to know that Katie and Travis like each other, but Conner also like's Katie. . .And girl. . .I'm the god of the internet. . .of course I know I'm naked on wikipedia. . .I'm naked because I look good naked!

From,

Hermes

_Dear Hermes,_

Which is the hottest mortal you met?

_From,_

_Awesome_

Dear Awesome,

That is a hard one. . .Probably Miss Stoll. . .After all I had two kids with her. . .Two hilarious boys. . .who both happen to like Katie. . .Can you explain why everyone chooses Katie and Travis and not Conner and Katie. . .I don't care but I don't want Conner to feel left out.

From,

Hermes

_yo Hermes,  
i have a pair of way overprotective parents who 80% gets on my last nerves. I JUST WANT THEM TO STOP BABYING ME! i think i should be able do some of the things my friends do, example, paintballing, dirt biking, and watch the tv shows i want. and i want togo to the movies withmy best friend without my parents shadowing me. any advice?_

from the german kid,  
johnsterling88

Dear jonsterling88,

Tough luck dude! Fortunately, I know what it is like to have an overprotective mom. . .Hera. . .Your not the only one dude. . .Well. . .for advice. . .there really is no easy way to work with an overprotective parent. . .Except showing them you are responsible. . .Once you try that maybe they'll see that you could handle those sorts of things. But that is really sad that they won't let you do that stuff. . .Though in most parents cases (Not Hera's!), they are just worried about you. . .They do want anything bad to happen to you. . .a sign of most demigods. . .

From,

Tough luck,

Hermes

_Dear Hermes,_

_Just give May some Gorgons blood or something...  
And btw how Zeus have given Kronos mustard and wine when wine wasn't invented?_

_From,_

_alfiesurprise101_

Dear alfiesuprise101,

It's not that simple. . .I would explain, but I'm running out of time. . .And check your facts dear. . .Mustard and wine was invented!

From,

Hermes


	4. Chapter 4

Ask Hermes

**Disclaimer: Don't own PJO.**

_You said your mother was Hera...but your mother is Maia, not Hera...and Hera hates pretty much everyone who's Zeus's kid and not hers...and an overprotective mother wouldn't let their child wander off and steal sacred cows from a god.  
And I know this because I'm a stalker. I'm watching your every move. All the time.  
AND I WONT STOP UNTIL YOU QUIT CALLING ME SWEETHEART!_

Oh, and good choice. Western riding is a h*ll of a lot more fun then fancy prancing and unnatural movements that make up English riding. Speed, danger, and natural movements and DIRT rule! D

_From,_

_BarrelRacer13 _

Dear BarrelRacer13,

My stepmother is Hera . . . But Hera, as much as she hates me, well . . . she's obviously not paying attention to my super ninja skills. She never notices that sort of thing, because I'm almost always busy with mail! And hah! You're wrong! What did I do on the third of July! And well, that's nice sweetheart . . . I think I'm going to call you this from now on, because it annoys you! Yes! And I love danger!

From,

Whatever sweetheart,

Hermes

_to hermes_

!

you ever pranked hera?

from me!

Dear me,

Yes I did pull a prank on Hera. While she was doing her hair for a night with Zeus, I put this powder in her food that makes people have diharia. After that . . . well let's just say Zeus ignored her for the rest of the week. I still don't think she's found out it's me who did that!

From,

Hermes

_Dear Hermes,_

What's your favorite prank and why? Also, why are you so. . .Aw, never mind. . .

from,

Please don't kill me

Dear please don't kill me,

My favorite prank has to be where I print out stories from fan fiction about the gods and paste them on the door. Everyone has a kick out of them except the god or goddess they are directed to, and know one finds out who did it! And also I'm so what?

From,

Hermes

_Dear Hermes,_

What is the best prank! What are thoughts on Luke? Would you prank Aphrodite to change your hair color? What is your favorite delivery uniform?

THANKS FOR THE INTERNET! -PW

Dear PW,

As I said before the best prank is printing out stories from fan fiction, and what are my thoughts on Luke? That's like what your thought are on Japlaneous. No I would not prank Aphrodite . . . I did that once . . . I won't do it again. My favorite delivery uniform is probably my camflouge uniform. And you're welcome for the uniform.

From,

Hermes

_Dear Hermes,_

I agree with Athenas Demigod Daughter, Poseidon and Athena are adorable, but onto my letter, do you think Hephaestus and Aphrodite would make an adorable couple, yes, I know their married, but isn't there a chance they fell in love somewhere along the line, and between you and me, I personally think Ares could get abusive and violent, he's not exactly the god of butterflies and sweetness.

Signed with a florish,

GDRR.

P.S. Is this a funny dare: Get a guy to dress up in a pluto costume(The one from Mickey Mouse), and dance in front of a huge crowd of people who all know him to Who Let The Dogs Out by the Baha Men with the girl he has a crush on?

Yeah, that was a dare I suggested to my friend after no sleep one day, evil genius here! Me, in case you didn't get that.

Finally finished on her overly long letter, GDRR

Dear GDRR.,

I keep my opines of certain couples to myself. Honestly, I don't do parings that much. And yes! great going with the prank! Hey did you know there is a new prank on parents show called Code-9 on Disney channel? I heard about it, watched it, then pulled a prank on Hera!

From Hermes


End file.
